Emotional Mastery: 12 Habits for Controlled Responses and Inner Balance
Some people get angry, anxious, or upset over minor
things. A surprising number of people have trouble restraining their emotions,
especially during periods of stress and uncertainty. When something does not go
their way, they get overwhelmed by extreme feelings, like rage or distress,
transforming even minor conflicts into damaging and embarrassing situations.
For example, let us say we are debating with
someone about a subject we both care about, like sports or politics. All we
want to do is make our point, but the other person seems to be getting angrier
and angrier. Perhaps they raise their voice or make derogatory comments about
us or our beliefs. What starts as a friendly debate escalates into swearing,
name-calling, and personal criticisms. Why? Because not everyone knows how to
control their emotions. When they hear something they do not like, many people
react impulsively, like a wave of frustration and volatility crashing onto
their heads. These people may be prone to feelings of defensiveness as if any
opposition is an insult to their character. They might become angry that people
are not validating their ideas or because they are struggling to communicate
what they mean. Once these emotions start swirling in their heads, they are
likely to make bad decisions. They may become desperate to get their way,
damaging their relationships and hurting the people they love. Only after the
dust settles do they realize the damage they have done. If we find ourselves in
a similar situation where our emotions are tested, how can we prevent our
emotions from spiralling out of control? In this video, we will discuss twelve
powerful habits anyone can use to master what is known as “non-reacting. The
basic idea is simple. By recognizing extreme emotions and delaying impulsive
reactions, we can make good decisions when they matter most, and these habits
will help us do just that. Many of these tricks and techniques are employed by
highly disciplined people every single day. Building real emotional discipline takes time and consistent effort, like exercising physical muscles. However,
these 12 daily habits teach us to control our emotions and navigate
situations with patience and composure.
Chemical Countdown
When we experience an emotional conflict, chemicals
rush into our brains, motivating extreme reactions and impulsive behaviours. If
we want to control our emotions, we must wait for that chemical rush to
disappear before acting. One simple trick is to close our eyes and count to
five. During those five seconds, the chemicals in our brain will slow down
enough to see our situation. It sounds simple, but those five seconds can spare
us from years of impulsiveness and regret.
Find our Roots
When we feel strong emotions bubbling up inside us,
try searching for the root of the problem. In other words, ask us why we might
feel how we feel. If we are impulsively angry about something someone said, ask
ourselves why their comment triggered such a strong emotional reaction. This
habit immediately changes our perspective, forcing us to step back and analyze
our emotions from the outside. This instantly puts us in a position of
emotional control and reveals what is causing our distress. Often, the source
of a feeling isn’t what it appears. Once we find it, we can face the problem
without damaging ourselves or others.
Sources of Resentment
Many of us have a terrible habit of stewing on
anger or resentment. Let us say we are arguing with a friend. We both walk away
feeling hurt and irritated, but instead of expressing those feelings and
finding a solution, we allow our anger to simmer and grow. Over time, we may
even lose track of why we were angry in the first place. The longer we wait to
resolve these feelings, the harder it becomes to make those emotions go away.
This is true of many negative emotions, like sadness or embarrassment. Ignoring
these feelings can create lasting emotional turmoil, so speak up and resolve
feelings before it is too late.
Name Our Emotions
We often struggle to control our emotions because
we do not know what we feel. All we recognize is a swirling cloud of thoughts
and feelings. Our emotions become muddled and frustrating, so we seek immediate
relief instead of understanding what is going wrong. In situations like this,
try naming our emotions. As soon as we feel something bubbling up inside us, we
ask ourselves, what exactly are we feeling? Were we angry or sad? Impatient or
embarrassed? Once we put a name to our emotions, they become smaller, simpler,
and easier to understand.
Manage our Stress
Stress has a significant effect on our emotional
state. When we are stressed, our patience and discipline wear thin. The world
is crashing down, and minor things may trigger extreme emotional outbursts and
irrational decisions. Any stress can impact our emotional state, so relieve
stress daily. Plenty of stress-relieving activities exist, like writing,
meditation, and exercise. Any of these habits, if practised regularly, lower
our stress levels, making it much easier to process and control our emotions.
Opportunities for Expression
Many people lose control of their emotions because
they cannot express them. Men especially stuff their feelings down and
pretend everything is fine until the day their emotions explode outward. This
is when extreme emotions do the most damage to us and the people in our lives.
Do not let our emotions fester in the back of our minds for our own sake.
Instead, create opportunities to express our emotions regularly. Write in a
journal, talk with a loved one, or sit with a mental health professional. Make
self-expression a routine, and we understand ourselves much better.
Channel our Feelings
Talking or writing is not the only way to express
emotions. We can also channel those feelings into activities like physical
sports or creative hobbies. These activities occupy our minds and channel our
energy in a way that brings calm and clarity. For example, if we are caught up
in a stressful situation, we might try singing at the top of our lungs. There
are dozens of activities, like singing, that release our feelings and change
our minds. Find one that suits our interests. That way, we can channel our emotions
into something constructive.
The Empathy Routine
When we are angry at someone, try thinking about
our situation from their point of view. We may feel wrong, but others may feel
the same way. They might be in a challenging position or, like us, struggling
to understand why they think the way they think. In either case, practising
empathy can neutralize extreme emotions and help the two of us find common
ground. Even if we are not actively upset, this is an excellent habit for
expanding our emotional intelligence. Practising empathy challenges us to reflect
on our feelings, question our assumptions, and approach every situation calmly
and collectedly.
Possess our Emotions
Were we ashamed of our emotions? Too many people
avoid responsibility for their genuine feelings because they are embarrassed or
ashamed to feel them. If someone asks us how we think, we might pretend
everything is okay and hide our emotions from the world. However, this only
deepens our emotional turmoil. When we feel overwhelmed, we take responsibility
for our emotions because nothing is shameful about our feelings.
The Boiling Point
Even if we learn to control our emotions, we may be
too upset to hold those emotions inside us. Some call this the boiling, the
moment just before our feelings bubble up and explode. If we want to control
our emotions, get to know our boiling point so that we never do or say
something we regret. When we are almost over the edge, we remove ourselves from
the situation and give ourselves time to cool off.
Create Our Mantra
Sometimes, when we feel strong emotions, it helps
to remind ourselves what we are working toward or what kind of person we want
to be. A simple mantra or a meaningful phrase can help us find perspective and
rise above negative emotions like anger or frustration. These feelings might be
strong, but it is easier to maintain control when we think about what matters.
It may take some time to find a mantra that is unique and special to us. There
are all kinds of mantras out there, but often, the powerful mantras are the
ones we create for ourselves. A few repetitions of this meaningful phrase can
relieve stress and clarify and remind us of what is essential.
The Power of Breath
Many disciplined people have developed incredible
patience and willpower using the simple power of their breath. We have probably
heard about breathing exercises to relieve stress or anxiety, but why does
breathing affect our emotional state? The first half of our breath, the inhale,
influences our sympathetic nervous system, which controls our fight or flight
response. Stopping for a deep breath of air dissuades impulsive behaviour in
favour of more logical decisions. The second half, the exhale, comes from our
parasympathetic nervous system, affecting our ability to relax and calm. Simply
exhaling a breath can pacify negative feelings, giving us a sense of calm and
control. Whenever our emotions are spiralling out of control, take a deep
breath in and out. This simple exercise may be all we need to control our
emotions and change our state of mind.
Conclusion
In
conclusion, the article underscores the significance of cultivating emotional
discipline through 12 habits centred around "non-reacting." These
habits, ranging from chemical countdowns to creating personal mantras, provide
practical tools for managing emotions during moments of stress. Individuals can
navigate conflicts with composure by emphasizing delayed reactions,
understanding the roots of emotions, expressing themselves regularly, and
incorporating stress-relieving activities. Empathy, owning one's emotions,
recognizing personal boiling points, and harnessing the power of breath are
also highlighted as key elements in mastering emotional control. The article
advocates developing these habits to foster emotional intelligence and
navigate life's challenges with patience and clarity.